Surprise. I’m divorced. Yes, that’s correct, I’ve cannon balled into the metaphoric pool of American statistics. And I couldn’t be happier. Why? Because we weren’t happy: that’s why. And since I’m a solid believer of the idea that people control their own happiness, it seemed like the logical thing to do for both of us. I mean, after all, our matrimony was pretty much a fluke. I married the man who knocked me up after four months of dating. It would appear I am not impervious to sperm after all. Don’t get me wrong: I gave our marriage a good college try, but we were all wrong for each other. Dragging it out would have undoubtedly set a terrible example for our son. What would he think of marriage and relationships after seeing two people like passing ships in the night? I didn’t want that for him, and either did my ex. Still, it wasn’t an easy decision.
Just Divorced – The Eye Opener I Needed
We spent in total five years together. Two of those years were pretty much on the divorce train. I remember the very day I decided enough was enough. I was parked under this old oak tree, a place I would go to every day on my way home from work to avoid actually going home. I would sneak in a cheeky smoke (when I smoked) and work myself up to facing my ex-husband. It’s not that he was mean or anything, I was just so incredibly bored and miserable, I literally got anxiety just thinking of being there. I was also bearing the entire weight of the family responsibility while he worked 70+ hours a week. He just wasn’t available. Emotionally, physically, mentally, he wasn’t there.
As I sat under that tree, I saw a Jeep Cherokee drive by with the words “Just divorced, I got the Jeep” written in the back window with shoe polish as if it were headed to the local homecoming football game. It made me laugh, then think and that’s when I pulled the trigger on bagging the marriage, cutting my losses and moving on. And two years of marriage counseling wasn’t helping.
Now you might be sitting there saying, “oh that’s just so sad”. But listen here: it was the best day (apart from having my son) of my life! I drove home that day, took my ex aside and said “I want a divorce”. He said, “Okay. When do we start?” And that was that.
The coming weeks were interesting. We shared the house. He would stay there three nights a week; I would stay with friends. When I had the house, he would stay at my best friend’s house (who is married to his best friend). Clearly they were the ones who actually suffered from our divorce.
There were a few awkward times, like when I came in to grab some clothes and he was out cold in bed while our son was dismantling my master closet (as in toddler on the loose). But mostly, it went very smoothly.
So many people say “oh I’m so sorry to hear you went through a divorce”, like it’s cancer. My divorce was one of the best decisions of my life, for my son’s life and for my ex. I strongly feel that my son has a better idea of what’s right and wrong, and will move onto long healthy relationships, as he gets older.
Divorce was the beginning of a whole new chapter in my life. One which led me to become the blogger I am now, giving my son a life of travel and leading by the greatest example of all; that we DO control our own happiness, and that everyone should live a life of intention doing what they love and chasing their dreams.
I have no regrets feom my divorce other than the legal side of it. I wish I had paid for better advice as I am now going through a custody battle which could have been avoided had I created certain contingencies. Oddly enough, this battle is far more mentally exhausting than my divorce.
If you feel like it’s over, I say end it. Don’t be an empty shell of who you are. Life is short and time is not reimbursed. We weren’t meant to live for what looks right, we should live for what feels right.