Disclaimer: What women want in a man was written from my point of view. There are certainly more things to be added in here, but let this serve as a baseline to all on how to act as an adult in search of love. Also, this memo was laced with trigger words to weed out immature, emotionally unavailable and non-committal babies.
What Women Want in a Man – A recipe for forever type love
It looks like Sid and Nancy, Bonnie and Clyde, Morticia and Gomez, Ben and Lauren, Sunny and Cher… You get it, right?
I’m talking ride or die.
I’m 36 years old. I know what I want, I’m not going to settle for someone to make their way to my page. This is the page that I’m on. There is no doubt in my mind that this is what women want in a man. Furthermore, what both partners should want from each other.
Quality over Quantity
The idea of spending time together that is so freaking amazing it leaves a couple completely doubt-free, 100% fulfilled and secure. Quality of time vs. quantity of time. Quality time offers a good balance of personal alone time away from each other allowing time to appreciate the other in their absence. It’s time created by sharing physical, intellectual and emotional intimacy as well as doing special things together (be that a date or something traditional and special to the couple).
Respect – The #1 Cheerleader
This is not just baseline common courtesy, but a true deep respect for your partner. Respect their work, their goals, their challenges and commend their personal achievements while being utterly and sincerely proud they are your partner and supporting their mission.
Be accountable when you screw up, take constructive criticism and value your partner’s opinion because they are your #1 Cheerleader and they are on your team. Inversely, you should also embrace their quirks and mannerisms. Those things are unique to them. Being someone’s partner is a choice, not a sentence. If you choose them every day, do so by acceptance. Don’t try to change their values or politics. Love them for who they are. If if you can’t then maybe you should bounce.
Be open-minded about sex and enjoy a steady regular sex life. But beyond this, you have a responsibility to fill the needs of affection. Because no one but you can fill this need. Holding hands, smacking asses or just finding little ways to communicate love without the need for words is SO important. Personal jokes and banter are also important to build a special bond. If one or both slack in this area, the relationship will hit a wall and eventually end.
In my thirties, I’ve learned all too well that there is a cruel joke on us women who are in their sexual prime vs men who are on the downside of their sexcapades. But it doesn’t have to be this way. There are all kinds of pills that work. So talk to your future life partner about it and see if he’s down for a little help in the libido department.
Communication between partners about expectations, personal boundaries, and conflicts should be transparent, respectful, considerate and prompt. NEED I SAY PROMPT again? Don’t be the jerk who expects their partner to read your mind. Whip out the construction paper and scissors and get Kindergarten style on their asses. Sometimes we all need to be told when we’re not being amazing.
When your partner has a bad day (we all have them) they turn to you for advice, love, comfort… because how effed up would it be if they turned to someone else, some other dude or girl? If you don’t offer them the love and comfort they need through sincere compassion, they will find it elsewhere. Step up your game and be there for each other, no matter what.
Now I know there’s a good amount of people who loathe surprises. I get it. But “I hate that you brought me a six pack and hooked me up with a beejer.” said NO MAN EVER. Likewise for us ladies. We love sweet surprises. Be thoughtful, be creative and keep things interesting. No, it doesn’t get old (unless you’re Dane Cook in Good Luck Chuck). Love isn’t as hard as everyone makes it out to be.
Respect – Personal boundaries
Nothing says “I don’t give a crap about you” more than a lack of respect for personal boundaries. A good partner knows how to make their person smile and inversely make their person want to punch them in the face. If you know something makes your partner smile… keep that shit up. It’s simple. If you know something really pisses them off, avoid that at all cost. If you don’t you may as well be saying “F you, I don’t care about your feelings.” This never works.
Honor and Trust
Because of the special bond, utmost respect and intimacy you share with your partner you should always be honoring them while they are absent. Be the Cheerleader, be proud of your partner and make them a priority. Don’t give them any reason not to trust you. Trust is not something handed out easily, it’s earned. Be patient with your partner and respect their process of how they develop trust.
While honoring your own personal boundaries, never make something a priority over anything that would compromise the ideals in this post. Your partner is someone you could end up spending your life with. Make them a priority and they will make you theirs. Be each other’s #1s.
Know when to take things seriously and when to be light-hearted. Keep each other laughing and flattery never hurts anyone.
I don’t care who you are, you’re not going to get very far in love if you don’t learn how to compromise. A couple who communicates well and respects one another will always find ways to compromise during times when an agreement can’t be reached. Pick your battles, take some for the team and always keep in mind positive energy breeds more positive energy while negative energy breeds more negative energy.
Don’t Try to Change Your Partner
You like them for a reason. Maybe you’d like them more in higher heels or you’d love him to rock that Jared Leto beard, but at the end of the day, your partner should never be asked to change. If they love you or are working towards loving you, they should be taking note of the things that make you happy. Change is something that should be inspired not demanded. And leading by example never hurt anyone.
Love isn’t as hard as everyone makes it out to be. What’s hard is finding two people who get it and are mature enough to own it because it is a responsibility. I’m still looking for this guy but I’ll admit, I’m growing disenchanted, exhausted. Quite frankly I’m starting to consider the reality that this man does not even exist in life.
Still, I strongly feel if the world just followed these thoughts, and everyone stopped being such assholes, we’d all be happier, healthier and less divorced. As a divorcee, I for one know I won’t marry anyone who doesn’t fit this bill. Sometimes I feel like I’ll be single forever but only because I love myself enough to not settle for anything less than TRUE.